The aesthetic of ‘hospitality’

From now on I’m going to start approaching how I treat people through a specific aesthetic, just to try something new. This was an indirect inspiration from finishing one of my lecturer/mentor’s books. I am going to utilize the aesthetic of hospitality to welcome ‘guests’ into my ‘house’. In other words, how to make their stay as comfortable and fulfilling as possible?

I will approach this through two methods: firstly, the ’space’, and the ‘body/room correspondence’. Now there are two concepts of space. The first is a more straightforward conception, in which one invites the other person or people to a social event in one’s being, or dwelling (I use ‘dwelling’ because dwelling can mean a physical home as well as one’s being). When I invite you over to my house, if you decline, fine. It is not right for me to coerce you to a house party, no matter how much I want to entertain you or please you. I’ll just be entertaining and pleasing myself, not my guest. Therefore to give a person space is very much like in real life. Would I force you to talk to me or share your problems? Of course not. Space is precious and to crowd the space even before the person has agreed to visit your house is stupid.

Let’s just say you’ve accepted my invitation to visit me, i.e. have chosen to interact with me. We come now to the second version of space. ‘Space’ in a house is very important, in other words, how we choose to treat the person as a visitor. We often approach people with an agenda in our daily interactions, whether it may be good or bad, selfish or admirable. But if we approach the person with an agenda of care and compassion, ironically, we will be forced to drop all our agendas as well, because this is akin to giving her a seat in the lounge, offering her a cup of tea or water, and simply sitting down and giving her the space needed to re-orient herself to her new surroundings (your house, or your being). Would I suddenly demand a discussion on Hua-Yen metaphysics and ontology before you had even put your bag down and sat on my couch? Of course not, because this is MY agenda. YOU probably want to talk to me about your problems at work, home, or university. You probably want to play video games. Whatever it may be, if you have taken the first step to invite someone inside, she is a guest and has the priority treatment.

Furthermore, I need to have put aside all work and other distractions in preparation for your visit. If you walked into my study and saw me feverishly typing away on an essay (complete with headphones thundering hard rock music), would you feel comfortable as a guest? No, you’d feel like you were a bother, someone who was getting in the way. Therefore when you interact with someone you should also ‘drop everything’, and give her the full openness that you would give a visitor in your house. Otherwise, she will get the message that she is not entirely ‘welcome’.

Now we get to the ‘body/room correspondence’. I propose that like a house, we can relate our interactions with people with a metaphorical ‘house’ inside our own bodies. Hence our heart becomes the ‘lounge’ or ‘living room’, where our social interactions occur most often (friendship is where the heart is), our brain with the study, and the bedroom with guess what, our sexy organs. My current classmates see more of my study than my lounge. My friends from college and my old high schools are often hanging around in my ‘lounge’, where the academic facade is dropped and we commune like children again, and I’m not telling you who gets to spend time in my bedroom. ^_^. Mind you, I don’t like restricting fun in the bedroom to merely ‘in the bedroom’, if you know what I mean! It applies to other body/room correspondences. My classmates are also my friends, hence I cannot be academic with them all the time, I can’t just lock them up in my study, up in my brain, where there is no room for the intimacy and the dropping of guards, the relaxing of tongues and the soothing of troubles. No, I’d like to invite them inside my heart, to hang around in my lounge or fireplace.

Of course, as you interact more and more with someone, she gets more ‘familiar’ with you, and your house. She remembers well what your study is like, what your lounge is like, maybe what your bedroom is like… :) But you can see the parallel here. The frequent visitor is your close friend, your mother or father, your child, or your girlfriend. You may have a teacher or professor who you discuss and learn under frequently. This means he is is a common guest in your study. Do you have a group of friends you grew up with? They probably dwell in your heart often when you see them. Either way, this correspondence is to help oneself prepare space for the Other when he comes, so that ’space’ is given not only to give the guest of your interactions choice, comfort and freedom, but also to let them ‘tour’ your whole house, or your whole ‘dwelling’ if you wish them to.

When a guest visits, you want to make it as nice as possible. You should treat everyday situations in the same way, treating your body and mind like a nice home where a person, whether a friend or stranger, would like to stay for as long as possible. I understand that this aesthetic suffers from a flaw, and that is the flaw of preferential treatment. We rarely invite strangers over, yet we interact with strangers everyday. How can we treat strangers like ‘guests’ in our dwelling then? This is a problem. Furthermore, most of us value some guests over others. How do we practice spiritual equanimity if we’d rather interact with someone over another?

Therefore, I am working on resolving these two problems to my new theory. But otherwise, I am going to give it a try. Maybe you can too. If you do, get back to me and tell me if it works or not.

That’s all for tonight, until next time, folks.