I know yesterday I promised to quote from a book, but I reread it this morning and decided it offered not enough new info for me to bring it over to uni, so I decided to leave it. Sorry if I killed the anticipation. But at least today I came prepared with something to write.
Yesterday I went to the post office and on my way I passed a Sizzler’s restaurant (I was actually going the wrong way – for the record, I really, really am fed up with Australia Post). For those who don’t know Sizzler’s is a relatively upper end steakhouse and seafood restaurant which offers cheap but pretty shitty buffets (because they’re restricted to salads, pastas, soups and desserts). The good thing is that you pay a higher price and get a main course, and the buffet is included for free. Anyway, I was passing by the window and saw this pretty old guy in a business suit (he wasn’t that old, but his face was narrow and long, giving him the impression of someone who although probably of medium to tall height, was probably not eating enough) eating a salad by himself. His briefcase was by his side, and he was sitting at a two person table, eating beside the window. It was about 4:50 – 5:00 if I remember correctly.
I wasn’t aware of two schmucks who were walking behind me and right after I passed the lone man they must have saw him too, and the two of of them had a loud exchange that can be summarized as (my recollection is pretty accurate – these words are almost exactly what came out of their mouths) “Shit, that guy looks like a fucking loser! He’s sitting by himself, he’s got no mates! I don’t want to become old and be by myself like that…”
“No way maaaan, no waaaay.” Well, I don’t think either of them said that, but given that they were insolent punks dressed up in a pretty office suits, they probably would have. Haha.
I wasn’t that annoyed at the two young men (who were definitely older than me). I mean, I wouldn’t go to a theme park by myself. But I thought that it’s pretty weird to think that you’re a loser if you’re doing something by yourself in public. See, I eat breakfast alone, usually, ever since I moved out. I eat lunch alone, usually. I rarely have dinner alone, but what makes dinner so much more different from breakfast and lunch? And I mean if the senior guy really did have a mates issue – that he was lonely and had no one to spend time with – damn, he’s not a guy to heap scorn on; he’s more likely to be someone to feel sorry for. Imagine if he was divorced, forced to pay child custody to his ex-wife, forbidden to see his kids, and had nothing else except his work/business. Then he comes to Sizzler to eat a lonely dinner only to get paid out by smartarse dudes young enough to be his sons. Either way, if he was lonely, he deserved sympathy, and if he was simply eating dinner by himself, he shouldn’t have to take any shit – in some ways, in a society that seems to place undue emphases on social image, he might even deserve to be complimented for his courage relative to young people who, for the most part in modern society, are insecure about themselves and uncertain of their place in the cosmos.
It’s not just for old men. I’m young and consider myself to have a healthy enough social life, but on many, many occasions I went out by myself. Who cares? One day, I had a craving for Hungry Jack’s (it’s Burger King in places other than Australia) so I went downtown and got myself a Whopper simply because I wanted one for lunch. True story. I admire the people who don’t care about the insignificance of some things, who do what they want because they have motivation to. Frankly, if it doesn’t affect anyone else negatively, they should go right ahead and do it – even if it’s going to a theme park by themselves… I remember I went to watch a movie with mates and this old guy (well, maybe in his 50′/60’s) sat down beside me with popcorn and coke (the soft drink, not the drug). I waited to see if he was with anyone, but as the movie started, it was apparent he had come to watch the movie alone. I don’t know if he was lonely and bored or just doing something by himself for a change, but many from my generation would gleefully pay this guy out. After all, who the hell watches cathode rays emitted from a tube by himself? Daaamn.
Such are the dysfunctional ideas in a society that has gone to extremes to ensure their people remain ignorant of real peace and fulfillment.
I agree with you.
I am 23 years of age and wish I had the courage to go to the movies by myself. I wish I had the courage to go and eat at a cafe or even at Hungry Jacks by myself. Instead, I take my car right up to the drive-thru window and then scurry home with my unhealthy purchases.
I spend a lot of my time in my own space, because my husband works away. I have to find ways to have a fulfilling life without instant access to my friends and family(a lot of them live an hour’s drive away from me and those who don’t lead busy lives).
Often I think that there’s a movie I’d love to see, but no-one else does. So I sit there and wait months until it comes out on DVD.
I really think I need to push myself out of my comfort zone.
Perhaps we could start a movement haha.
I really appreciate your observations.
Thanks!
Great observations, Raymond. The two guys, by making such comments on the man’s being alone at his meal, merely displayed nothing other than their own sense of insecurity, their arrogance, and their ignorance.
During the past few days of the Chinese New Year period, I’ve chosen to stay home most of the time and did everything I had wanted to do for a long time but hadn’t done for various reasons: reading books, watching DVD movies, practising my Erhu, Guzheng and Chinese flute, writing my blog (that’s why I was able to come up with that rather long post about why I don’t like CNY), etc. I’ve kept my mobile phone off, and did not answer any calls on our home’s phone except when the answering machine was activated to indicate that it’s mum calling. It was kind of self-imposed (in a good sense) solitude, and it was such a peaceful and at the same time fulfilling experience. Only those who lack the wisdom to appreciate the value of solitude would be afraid of being alone during old age.
Also, I appreciate your compassion towards old man in case his solitude was due to a range of probable unfortunate situations.
I’m sure normal people have a lot less gay things to do then to spy on grown men having lunch, but hey thats just me.
Hey Person with a ‘life’, you really thought I stood gawking at the window for more than a split second when I already heard, via what I call the human ear, the two dudes behind me dissing the old man?
And the guy was eating dinner, not lunch. Did you read my post at all? Probably not, you’ve got much more exciting things to do than to leave smartarse comments on random blogs under the cowardly pseudonym ‘Person with a Life’.
Right?
‘Anothertry’,
No one should put you in a position where you feel compelled to not do something you’d like to do. Doing the things you love, caring not who might think you ‘weird’, is liberating as hell. This isn’t a denial of the value of your friends and family, it is just finding your own personal calling because your life is in the end your own.
I devour Buddhist literature when I’m alone not only because Buddhism is the most important thing to me but also for some reason I hate reading when other people are around… but that doesn’t mean I don’t like to spend time with mates and family.
Best of luck.
I often eat dinner alone, especially when I come back from uni late and everybody at home has already eaten. Usually I’ll just stop at Hungry Jacks or something. Its probably the same case with him, although having a job he can probably afford to go to somewhere slightly higher class.
I think its common to assume that businessmen have no lives, but you can’t tell much from seeing a guy having dinner by himself. In fact I might even suggest that people are scared of (monetary) success because they think loneliness is a side-effect.
That’s true. Who knows – he might even have been waiting for his secretary or something to come and eat with him, hence my observations would have been 50% incorrect.